Tarisms/Malapropisms

Note to editors: the subsituting word must be a real word.

A malapropism is the incorrect use of a word by substituting a similar-sounding word with different meaning, usually with comic effect.

Examples

 * Volsemort and da Death Dealers (eaters)! - Ch. 15
 * VIOWER EXCRETION (discretion) ADVISD. - Ch. 14
 * Loopin was masticating (masturbating) to it! - Ch. 11
 * I had lost my virility (virginity) to Draco. - Ch. 8